My Heart Aches For Bryan

Doesn't he look like he's having a great time in that picture?  It was taken the weekend before last.  At times, he seems to be in a great mood, but at other times, we can tell that something is bothering him.  Ana has felt that he holds in his emotions a lot, but he'll also act out, even though that's not necessarily what he's wanting to do, but that's the only way he has of showing it.  He doesn't mean to hurt anyone.  When he acts out, we would punish him by putting him in a time out.  He would scream and cry and throw a big fit almost the whole time he was in one.  Sometimes he would be there for 30 minutes until he calmed down.

Yesterday he was home with Ana since its her day off.  It was a pretty long weekend with him, even though we were both home on Sunday.  At one point, he said something to Peyton (Ana's daughter that's 3) and it hurt her feelings.  Instead of putting Bryan in the usual time out, she told him to go to his room and talk to his bears about what's bothering him.  She told him that he can tell them anything and to express his feelings to them.  I think this was a good idea and will help him express his feelings.

What comes next really hurts me.  Every time I think about it, it makes me cry because my heart aches for him. What's done is done, and I can only do so much to help him understand and to support and comfort him.

Basically, Bryan told his bears that he feels that his mommy doesn't love him anymore because she left him and that she doesn't want him and that he is mad and doesn't like her anymore.  He said he wanted his daddy and cried.

After hearing that, Ana talked to Maddox (her 5 year old) and asked him to talk to Bryan, kid-to-kid.  Maddox told Bryan that he misses his Papi (his dad), but knows that he loves him even though he can't see him and he knows Bryan loves his mommy and that she loves him, and that we all love him too and want him to play and be happy.  Bryan said he's mad at her, and Maddox said "I know, but we all love you".

After that, Bryan came downstairs and said "Hannah?" (that's what he calls her)
Ana: "Yes?"
Bryan: "I'm mad"
Ana: "I know"
Bryan: "But not at you"
Ana: "okay....I know I am only Hannah but I can love you and fix your booboo like a mommy and that won't change"
Bryan: "I know but I am so mad"
Ana: "well I get tired when I am mad I would rather be happy and play instead"
Bryan: "Me too"
Ana: "your mommy is tucked in your heart always and forever, don't forget that."
Bryan: "Okay, can I have some chocolate milk?"

I'm glad he opened up some, but I'm sad to hear that he feels that way.

Problems With....The Beast

So I have a 2004 GMC Sierra 2500 4x4 that I bought from my dad in 2007.  I haven't had any major problems with it...until now.  And yes, it got the nickname of The Beast.

So I brought it in today for the 100,000mi tune-up since it has over 107,000 miles on it.  The check engine light was on and Auto Zone said it was low fuel pressure.  The good news is that the dealership said it was the gas cap and can put a new one on...no biggie right?

Well, then lately I've felt a vibration in the front end and sometimes could feel bumps even though I was on a smooth road.  I guess the front left hub is bad and is about to fall off.  So that's gonna cost about $500 to fix.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the water pump is leaking really bad.  Of course now that winter is almost here, I can't have that through these Chicago winters, so that'll be another $500.

So with the tune-up and all of this other work, my bill will be about $1500.

Let's just hope that's all that's wrong with it and I'll get many more years out of that truck.  Its been good to me so far.

Red Lobster's Cheddar Biscuits

This is a recipe I found from an app on my phone.  I LOVE these things when I go to Red Lobster, and now I've tweaked the recipe a little more and got them almost perfect.

-Preheat oven to 400 F

-In a large mixing bowl, combine (work the dough, but not too much):
  - 2 1/2 cups Bisquick Baking Mix
  - 3/4 cup Cold Whole (or 2%) Milk
  - 4 TBS Cold Butter (1/2 stick)
  - 1/4 TSP Garlic Powder (I probably do a little more)
  - 1/4 TSP Garlic Salt (This wasn't in the original recipe, but I add it do the batter mix)
  - 1 cup (heaping) Grated Cheddar Cheese

-Drop dough on an ungreased cookie sheet, about 1/4 cup in size (ice cream scoop)

-Melt 2 TBS butter in microwave, then add some parsley flakes and about 1/2 TSP of Garlic Salt to butter

-Brush the melted butter mixture on top of the dough, but save some to repeat after cooking

-I usually add more parsley and garlic salt to the top of the biscuits before I cook them

-Bake for about 16 minutes until the tops are light brown

-Add more of the melted butter mixture on the tops & serve

I can usually get about 15 biscuits from one batch.

Recent Events

I decided to start some of this blog over again.  I deleted some of the old posts and am making a fresh start.  I have a lot of things to talk about.  A lot of you probably know most of the events, but some of you might not.

First of all, my divorce is still going on.  We're hopefully almost done (like within weeks).  Its been a roller coaster, that's for sure.  The good news is that I got residential custody of my son!!!  Melissa has already moved out of state and Bryan is living with me now.  I'm still in the townhome, but probably only for a few more months unless the bank does a miracle and accepts a loan modification.

I had to give up Champ, which I REALLY miss him.  It wasn't fair for him to be stuck in the cage as much as he was.  He's a big, athletic dog, he needed room to run.  He was in the cage for about 10 hours during the day, then again overnight.  The good news is that he went to a friend who has a big yard for him to run around and who also has some other dogs so he has playmates.

Bryan is now almost 4 1/2.  He's about 44.25" tall and weighs 62 Lbs!!!  Talk about being built for football!  He's been adjusting to the changes pretty well.  He'll act out and not listen sometimes, but what kid doesn't?  He is learning to a lot on his own now.  He'll get dressed in the mornings, get his shoes on, get his coat on (sometimes zipper it up too), eats with his mouth closed, is learning how to hold a fork the right way and more I'm probably forgetting.

Now for the biggest change....I'm living with someone!  Her name is Ana, and she has 3 kids.  Marce is 19, Maddox is 5 and Peyton is 3.  They're all with me, along with Bryan.  Talk about a house full!  She is amazing and treats me very well.  We have a great time together and are always laughing and smiling.

At work, that's been another roller coaster.  Back at the end of August, Packaged Concrete, Inc. sold the company to Quikrete.  Of course there's an adjustment period.  We've had some people leave (retire) and there's always rumors floating around about what's going to happen next.  I'm busier now and doing the job that I did before plus the job of someone that left.  Things usually slow down in the winter though, so that'll help me catch a breather.  I still do the IT Administration for this plant, although its not quite the same and I don't have the same authority I had before.  I'm also still working for PPCGeeks and his network of sites.

Other than all of that, things have been pretty normal I guess.  I can't wait to take a vacation though, that's for sure.  I've had to use most of my time off this year to meet with lawyers or be in court.

Thankful For Friends

I might not have very many friends anymore, I guess I never really had too many ever.  My childhood consisted of moving every couple of years before I was in 6th grade.  Because of that, I never really got close to anyone.  I never had that "childhood friend" that people sometimes grow up with.  It made it hard for me to get close to people because I was always afraid we were going to move again.

Once we got to Texas, I was in 6th grade.  I'm not sure if people were just friendlier down there than the other places I lived or what, but I immediately started talking to a few people.  I never really did that before, I usually just kept to myself.  I didn't let myself get real close to anyone because I never knew if we were going to move or not.

The middle school years passed and then came high school.  By this time, we were in Texas for 3 years.  There were talks of my dad relocating again, meaning we would have to move.  So once again, I still didn't get real close to anyone.  I never dated anyone until 1999, and that was long distance.  My first "local" relationship was in Feb. 2000, and I was already a Senior.

Over the years, I've actually gotten close with a few people.  I've lost contact with some of them over the years, which I regret.

With all that said, I just want to say thank you to everyone who has supported me over the years.  You guys all mean a lot to me and I can only hope that I can be as good of a friend to you as you have been to me.

Happy Holidays!

I want to say Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone out there.  This hasn't been the best Christmas for me, but I still had a good time, or at least tried to.  I think this is the first Christmas in over 11 years that I haven't had someone to share it with.  I started dating in 1999 and I've always had someone to share Christmas with.  Well, not this year, at least not that "special someone".  I am in St. Louis visiting my mom and we went to my grandparent's house last night (they celebrate on Christmas Eve).  It was good seeing everyone again, but at the same time, I also felt like an odd one out because I don't think I've been there for Christmas in about 10 years.  I was never really THAT close to my cousins, but I used to talk to some of them more than I have lately.

My heart is aching today and sometimes I just feel like I want to go lay in bed and cry.  I've always been the type of person that has wanted to be in a relationship.  I know its good to have some "me" time too, but at the same time I like to share things with someone special and its hard on me when I can't.

After coming here, I've thought more and more about moving here or to Texas (in the end, I want to be in Texas).  I'm just not happy in Illinois.  I like my job and the people I work with.  It would just be hard to line up a job before moving, but that's the only way I would be able to do it.  It would also be hard moving away from Bryan.

Now I know everyone has a different opinion on that, but mine is that he can tell if I'm not happy and it'll have an effect on him.  If he sees me happy, then it'll have a better influence on him I guess.  I've wanted to go back to Texas even after only being in Illinois for a year, and everyone I know knows that.  I've thought about it a lot during this divorce thing and I've thought about both sides of it when it comes to Bryan too.

Anyway, back to what's important today, I hope everyone has had a great Christmas (better than me), and I hope everyone has a great New Years.

First 28 Years Of My Life

For those of you that don't know me, I was born in a St. Louis suburb back on January 25, 1982.  My dad worked for Burlington Northern Railroad and we moved around a lot.  My dad was from Alabama and my mom was from the St. Louis area.  My dad moved there for work and they met in a disco bar.  Here they are with little old me lol...

I'm not even sure we lived in St. Louis for a year after I was born when we moved to Galesburg, IL.  My sister was born there in 1984.

From there we moved to Naperville, IL.  I started school there then we moved to White Bear Lake, MN.  I met some of my childhood friends there, Kari and Katie.  Their dad worked with mine and my mom is still close to their mom now.  Then we moved to Havre, MT for a year while I was in 3rd grade.  Then we moved back to White Bear Lake for 4th-6th grade.

I started 6th grade in MN, then we moved to Flower Mound, TX, which is where my heart is still at.  I loved it down there!  I lived down there from 6th grade until 2002.  I played basketball for school in grades 7-10...

My first job was at Best Buy where I met one of my best friends, Christy.  Her and I don't talk much anymore, but at the time, she was my best friend...

Then I worked at Blockbuster where I met another best friend, Shelly.  Her and I weren't really that close back then, and she moved up to the Chicago area after I did, and now she's one of my best friends.  We talk just about every day and she's been there for me, especially through all of my divorce stuff.  I also met Josh there, and we decided to get an apartment together and I moved out of my parent's house around August of 2000.

I graduated from Lewisville High School in May 2000...

After high school, I went to DeVry University in the DFW area, but I only went a semester or 2.  I worked in a tech support call center after high school too.

In May 2002, I moved up here to the Chicago area to be with Melissa.  I've been up here ever since, but I've wanted to move back to Texas on more than one ocassion.  I've worked a few jobs up here and I got this one in Sept. 2004.

My wonderful son, Bryan, was born June 23, 2007.  I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Around May 2009, I also got my dog Champ.  He's a yellow lab mix (I always wanted a yellow lab).

Well there's a little bit about my life.