Happy Holidays!

I want to say Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone out there.  This hasn't been the best Christmas for me, but I still had a good time, or at least tried to.  I think this is the first Christmas in over 11 years that I haven't had someone to share it with.  I started dating in 1999 and I've always had someone to share Christmas with.  Well, not this year, at least not that "special someone".  I am in St. Louis visiting my mom and we went to my grandparent's house last night (they celebrate on Christmas Eve).  It was good seeing everyone again, but at the same time, I also felt like an odd one out because I don't think I've been there for Christmas in about 10 years.  I was never really THAT close to my cousins, but I used to talk to some of them more than I have lately.

My heart is aching today and sometimes I just feel like I want to go lay in bed and cry.  I've always been the type of person that has wanted to be in a relationship.  I know its good to have some "me" time too, but at the same time I like to share things with someone special and its hard on me when I can't.

After coming here, I've thought more and more about moving here or to Texas (in the end, I want to be in Texas).  I'm just not happy in Illinois.  I like my job and the people I work with.  It would just be hard to line up a job before moving, but that's the only way I would be able to do it.  It would also be hard moving away from Bryan.

Now I know everyone has a different opinion on that, but mine is that he can tell if I'm not happy and it'll have an effect on him.  If he sees me happy, then it'll have a better influence on him I guess.  I've wanted to go back to Texas even after only being in Illinois for a year, and everyone I know knows that.  I've thought about it a lot during this divorce thing and I've thought about both sides of it when it comes to Bryan too.

Anyway, back to what's important today, I hope everyone has had a great Christmas (better than me), and I hope everyone has a great New Years.